My soul is not old
And my heart is naive
My untrained eyes have not yet learned
The truest way to see
My words all fall short
Of the things I mean
Inadequate phrases on my tongue
It’s easier to just breathe
My voice trembles with
A start-stop delay
Passive verbs and qualifications
Adorn everything I say
So I sit and watch
As they sing their songs
With joy and sorrow and bravery
And hope to join before long
went he comes along, she starts to smile
no connection nor a speck of dust
then he says hello and start to laugh
she said hi and everything comes alive
they became close and had a ball of time
even went they know that nothing comes around
when he falls she tried to caught him up
but where was he went she falls down hard?
she cant blame that he had another one
but why does he made her feel like a beautiful swan
now that she was left alone to rot
she cant get around without him in thoughts
what does that girl have that she don’t?
she cant move on even went there’s nothing on
she knew she deserve better, after-all
went she swear she’ll never let another tear drop falls
if i fight you, you’ll only hold me down
if i run you’ll pull the cement from up under my ground
my world was once my own and now you own my moons and stars
long ago i was filled with your love and passion now i don’t know who you are
a tear here stripped of a lil self worth there humility all the time
and you have some kind of immunity just getting away with any crime
i smile but its just an upside down image of sad lips
i fake it so well you might just want to take some tips
big girls don’t cry although i do but I’m small in frame petite in size
and your mission to hurt this little girl took me a minute to realize
yet i stay i watch i let it happen again and again
feeding your fire until I’m empty too weak too tired to fend
All my life I’ve felt this pain
The feeling of drowning in the rain
I would never scream
Now I longer wish to dream
All this time consumed by my obsessions
I never learned my lesson
This deep hatred in my heart
That would never part
This pain that holds me and cuts deep
That will not let me sleep
The only thing I know
It won’t leave me alone
I always did despise being me
Through this life there is no light I can see
A feeling that can’t be ignored
Now what do I live for
I no longer wish to wake
I want to sleep and never awake
Why am I alive
To me I might as well have died
When I take my final breath
And find rest in death
I will no longer run from my fear
Now death I’m here
I’m not perfect.
I sometimes need someone,
even though I’m too stubborn to admit it.
I cry,
even when I try to hold back if just a second longer.
Before you,
I stood somewhere else,
I felt a bigger burden,
like I was carrying cargo
but could never set it down.
I was afraid.
And too scared to admit it,
thought it’d make me weaker,
and I didn’t want to fall.
I remember what it felt like,
the illusion of control,
pure rush of adrenaline,
in a moments time.
An escape route,
without going anywhere.
Before you,
I was someone else,
someone who couldn’t
find her way out.
You made me want reality,
you made me want to feel,
you made me believe in believing,
I don’t think you know how that feels.
I remember what it felt like,
I’m not perfect,
I have my faults,
but you’re bringing out my best
and I think that holds some account.
I’ll paint my smile
An accessory to make me look pretty.
It’s a lovely piece of art, isn’t it?
But that’s all it will ever be.
A dab of paint with an old worn brush
Painted on a blank canvas.
The ignorant admire and say,
“What talent she has!”
But no one bothers to notice
That it isn’t real; a portrait of what was supposed to be.
Just a disgustingly simple blob of paint that oozed
From the holes in my heart.
there are no can-can girls here
no tight-rope walkers, no punk rockers
just a girl too tired to be
who’s forgotten what it feels to sleep
whose tight skinny jeans now fit her
too tightly…
Saturday night masturbation has lost its glam
and they won’t listen
when all she years for are ears
and hands to hold
hands to wipe away those weekly tears
for this is not solitude
no, this is pure loneliness
loneliness that kills-
feeds off of such innocent creatures
all she wants is to be in company
of another being, at least one,
who perhaps can teach her
the courage to be, again.
How to tell the truth,
When it might not be wanted,
When it needs to be heard,
When it goes against convention
When it betrays the mind?
How to tell the truth
When it is from the heart
When it is not from the head
When it needs to be said
When it wont be accepted?
How to tell the truth
When the truth is the truth
That is truly terrifying?
What a mood I’m in.
Blues and grays intertwine
with sunshine notes.
Alone but no so much lonely
as wanting to share.
The music of words keeps me
living; what I write, what I read;
both a kind of giving.
Spending my days in poems and
songs no one will read, no one
to hear.
Not so much lonely as wanting
to share; I just want to
share.
Write your sappy love songs
They make no sense to me
Serve your cup of romance
I’ll serve my cup of tea
Your innovations are lacking creation
Your mind is free of chance
You look quite sufficient
But only at a glance
Free your mind of photgraphs
The gray scale you perceive
Art is your only handicap
To see you must believ
